As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
