thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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