please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
