i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
