god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
