it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
