i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
