I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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