I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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