i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
