i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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