Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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