I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize