you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
