wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
