Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
