I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
