Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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