My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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