12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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