So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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