remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
