i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
