Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
