I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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