The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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