so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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