I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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