there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
