I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
