They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
