I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
