Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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