I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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