The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
