TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize