i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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