I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize