she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
