Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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