her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
