Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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