i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
