I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
