im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
