Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
