why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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