In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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