what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
