I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize