did you get engaged???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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