people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
