U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
