Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
