it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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