this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
