Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
