i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize