how can u be prego again
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
