Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
