weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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