Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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