Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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