So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
