Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
