She's JV to your varsity
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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