Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
