She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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