I cockslap morals
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
