My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize