This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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